Great to hear from you again, and to read your interesting spin on fear and failure.

I think myself that its also about fear of success. Crazy I know, we want to succeed, but we are too used to our comfort zones and the level we are used to achieving.

So you see its far too scarey for us to move into the unknown. Fear of ridicule will also play a part because we want to be liked by our friends, family and peers and they are all used to us being a certain way. Also our success will make others who have us in a box feel more uncomfortable with themselves, if we suddenly appear to be doing very well. (How dare we succeed and leave them behind, who do we think we are!). Those who are set in their own comfort zones may feel outraged at our new found success, but anyone who truely loves us will welcome our new found success and may even be inspired to step up a notch!

Its funny how we all see things so differently and I’d probably say everything I’ve described is what I need to work on overcoming myself. Change seems scarey and we are used to the status quo, which even if its a far cry from what we would really want, it still feels safer, because we know what to expect. Until it becomes so very unbearable that is and then we launch ourselves into the vast unknown to escape. Believe me I’ve lived that one and I wondered why on earth I didn’t do it sooner.

your a great teacher
Have a great xmas!
love
Sheila
http://www.totalwellbeing.biz

The second thought you posted was very interesting and something that I really needed to hear right now, as I want to grow and take on more leadership responsibilities. I always thought that a leader/manager had to have all the answers and be so sure of themselves, and so I wouldn’t be able to achieve this. However, as your quote illustrates the best leaders are those that are self-aware and always developing and growing.

Thank you for your food for thought!

your blog struck a chord with me as fear is an emotion very much in the forefront of my life at present.

Having worked in senior positions in large organisations for many years I realised that all I’d achieved was driven by a fear of not living up to others’ expectations.

I felt unhappy and alone. I made the choice to leave work and am in the early stages of setting up my own consultancy – now I have a fear with a different energy, will I be able to pay the bills, is this what I really want, will it give me the work life balance and happiness I’ve been missing?…

…only time will tell…

Yes, fear has many more aspects to it than just fear of failure to success. Often it operates with many other partners in crime such as your article mentioned, fear of criticism.

I think I fear criticism more than I realised and I do go out of my way to avoid it because if I incurred it then it would prove another fear right i.e. fear of worthlessness, never good enough.

It is exhausting fighting fear off; like dodging a blackmailer and having to constantly pay them off by not realising potential, not going after success, not trying to hard, not believing in yourself too much and being too good to yourself.

And fears, like you say, are chain linked. But in my case they are all rooted in fear of worthlessness and it’s pernicious friend, fear of punishment. All I know about the threat of punishment is that i won’t survive it, or so it threatens. Any kind of ’selfishness’; self-care, success, striving, believing in self etc. is punishable. Ugly I know, but I’ve declared war and have won some battles so far.

Criticism, yes, why do we fear it? Why is it so real? I think because it is the opposite of love. We are made to love but most importantly we are made to be loved. Love is the metaphysical food which makes us grow even on a cellular level from infants. If we incur criticism we don’t get what we most need to make us feel good and flourish, love and approval, we prove ourselves unworthy of positive regard and therefore of what we need most.

I think you have probably come up with the most real fear but unobvious fear yet.

So what can we do to overcome this very real fear? Maybe arm ourselves with close contact and constant feedback from significant others in our lives that know and value our worth no matter what?

Actually, you provide some of that through your WOC newsletter, it constantly provides us with inspiration and courage to be successful.

with gratitude to you and the other WOC out there
Felicity

What a mix of thoughts when reading your blog. Fear – a very strange emotion. Recently another coach was talking about being on the radio – the thought filled me with a sense of fear – and then I thought back to last year, singing on stage to 200 people at my son’s school and loving it. And what does fear feel like? Sometimes there isn’t too much of a difference with excitement. And when we do overcome fear – so often we then think “what was that all about?” A most peculiar emotion!

I love my job and it fits my life as a single mum perfectly. However there are many other oportunities I’d like to create and expore, but I use time and commitments as my excuse not to. I’m not sure that it is fear of critisism in my case but fear in my own abilities to succeed. The strange thing is I know that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, as I have done so again and again in the past.

I am definately very comfortable in my job, and now I see I am not working to my full potential. This is something I hadn’t considered and has given me lots of food for thought!!

But now I’ve made connections, the past creeps back and and I find myself scared to be myself, try new things and (dear lord) FAIL! It’s a good reminder that it’s okay to fail, and .. to ignore the inevitable tutting.

Even so, on a personal level – I also try to let people around me fail without judgement or critisism. I think remaining positive on this level can only be a good thing.