Being ‘Too Much’ Again!

This is going to come out like scrambled egg mainly because that’s how I’ve felt… I’ve been ‘scrambled’. And it’s all about going through a transition and finding my voice, a new way of expressing myself in the world

I thought it was about being ‘ballsy with softness’. But, hey, the major events of my recent life have been confrontation big time. Confrontation can, of course, be a very healthy thing enabling discussion and resolution of issues between different parties. These confrontations were not that kind!

One I didn’t ask for and came to me because of misunderstandings between myself and someone who was working for me at the time. The other one I chose. Yeah, I could hardly believe what I’d done afterward…I chose to pick a fight (totally new behaviour for me) and loved every minute of it.

It was about an injustice that I saw and confronted. And the way that I did that could not be described in any other way than inflammatory. It involved me being shouted at and shouting at the top of my voice in the street… hey, not very British! Afterward I was pleased that I kept my language clean… AND I behaved like a fish-wife. Deeeelicious!

Notice my judgements… and my pleasure! The sheer freedom of expressing without care for what anybody else thought of me.

And I hold my hands up to the judgements. Recently I’ve had a couple of messages that I’m being too much again. One was about my writing… that I drew someone in and then pushed them away through being ‘ballsy’. And I took notice of them and ‘tried’ to be different.

Have you ever done that? Respected some-one and taken their opinion over your own knowing? Well, here I was again taking on some-one else’s experience of me being ‘too much’ and dumbing myself down to meet their standards, their expectations about what’s right or wrong.

Enough!

My spin on things is that the confrontations I’ve recently experienced have showed me that I’m more solid than ever. That I can stand up even publicly and make a spectacle of myself when one of my core values is being rubbished and I choose t o do something about it.

As my writing buddy Phyllis so aptly termed it… maybe I’m learning to be a ‘bitch with grit’!

So… if you’re biting your tongue or if you’re being told you’re too much… let rip! Yeah, you might be doing an Emperor’s New Clothes job and that’s no bad thing. Yeah, you might be too much for that person AND there are literally millions of people on this planet for whom you are just absolutely right… including your Self!

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