Leave Your Heart At Home

September 1, 2008

This is a crazy world! Sometimes working with women I get told they’re told there’s no place for emotions aka ‘feelings’ at work.

Correction! It’s OK for some people to get frustrated at work, angry at work… even to take out their frustrations on other people at work. And, in some circumstances, but not all, it’s OK to crack a joke at work or ‘yer ‘avin’ a larrf’ as a friend of mine would say.

It’s NOT OK to bring empathy, compassion, tenderness or gentleness to work. Oh no! Not in the cut and thrust of global empires, the distorted use of politics and mental machinations.

Yet it’s those very ‘heart-felt’ emotions that we need in the aridness of the organisational world today. People need to count. People need to be valued. People need to be appreciated. People need to be considered. Then they’ll give of their very best because they’ve been treated as they deserve… the very best.

So… how can you bring some heart-felt emotion into your world of work today???

 

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows

July 8, 2008

Jennifer Yane’s quotation reminded me that when the Universe has got a lesson to teach you it comes knocking on your door and, if you ignore it, the Universe comes back a while later and knocks even harder. If you still ignore it, the Universe comes back later and this time knocks and kicks at your door. And, if you still ignore the Universe and the lesson it has to teach you, it’ll come back even later. Only this time it’ll kick your ****** door down.

How sensible then to have open windows!

Because the lesson we need to learn often comes through reality flying in through them and hitting us right in the face. Not that we didn’t previously know about it at some level. We just didn’t let it be conscious, be real.

The relationship that you suddenly recognise is damaging, the job that’s draining your soul, the piece you recognise about yourself and your behaviour, the chaos that you’re creating through lack of care, the fear that’s holding you back from recognition or indeed how blessed you are with what you have in your life. A myriad of realities throughout our lives ready to help us stretch ourselves and grow.

A myriad which we often keep the door closed and shut on just in case we have to do something. Oh no! Not the ‘action’ thing? Yes, that action thing. That thing called being response-able, able to respond to and act upon what’s calling us to change.

Often such times evoke our greatest fears about lack of security, losing love, rejection and the possibility of abandonment. But, hey, when your re-action (hyphenated on purpose) is the strongest, it’s a clue as to how much of your potential that lesson, that bit of reality, is offering you as its prize.

In recent times, reality flew in my windows at gale wind speed… never one to do things by halves… and it was about being called to shed some old and redundant beliefs and behaviours that I’d covered up with bravado. To get more real in its truest sense!

To be more authentically me and more vulnerable… and paradoxically more safe only it didn’t feel like it at the time… through shedding some brittleness and some shoutiness that had attempted to defend me against hurt. Not that it had worked particularly well… does it ever?!

Well I kicked and screamed and fought to begin with. And although I’m through that bit now I’m still a work in process. Shedding the old, not quite sure what the new is like and making it up as I go along with a bit of inner and bigger guidance. And I’m still here; no loss of security or love, no rejection or abandonment. At least, if I have been rejected or abandoned, I certainly don’t feel it.

So… what’s the reality that came in through your windows? What lessons did it teach you? And how did you change and grow out of it?

Do let me know and take the possibility of helping others face their realities through your named experience being featured in my upcoming book. Comment as gloriously as you wish below….

Love to you…

© Sharon Eden 2008 All Rights Reserved

Why ‘Crew’ When You Can Star In Your Own Event???

June 20, 2008

Early this morning I got one of those circular emails from a major personal/ professional development company running events which pack thousands in a room, whoop ‘em up and rope ‘em up into buying loadsa products and becoming members (at a price) of this select band of people. And the circular was advertising for ‘crew’, people to assist in delivering the programme and by so doing re-experience it for free or low cost.

Now, I’m not saying some people can’t get life-changing experiences at these events or re-charge motivational batteries. They can… and that’s a whole other topic.

What struck me when I read this morning’s email was why ‘crew’ when you could be the star? And I laughed at my grandiosity assuming that everyone would want to be a ‘star’ and that in itself is a ‘good thing’!

However, women are very good at being crew, of supporting others, helping others to be achieve what they want. And I wondered how many of us are so busy crewing for other people that we don’t even consider the possibility of being the star in our own main event… our life!

How come we do that??? What do we get out of it??? And what do we think of women who do ‘star’ in their own lives??? Leave your answers and comments and guess what? You’ll create the possibility of starring yourself in my new book currently gestating superbly.

Love to you…

Sharon

Being ‘Too Much’ Again!

May 21, 2008

This is going to come out like scrambled egg mainly because that’s how I’ve felt… I’ve been ‘scrambled’. And it’s all about going through a transition and finding my voice, a new way of expressing myself in the world

I thought it was about being ‘ballsy with softness’. But, hey, the major events of my recent life have been confrontation big time. Confrontation can, of course, be a very healthy thing enabling discussion and resolution of issues between different parties. These confrontations were not that kind!

One I didn’t ask for and came to me because of misunderstandings between myself and someone who was working for me at the time. The other one I chose. Yeah, I could hardly believe what I’d done afterward…I chose to pick a fight (totally new behaviour for me) and loved every minute of it.

It was about an injustice that I saw and confronted. And the way that I did that could not be described in any other way than inflammatory. It involved me being shouted at and shouting at the top of my voice in the street… hey, not very British! Afterward I was pleased that I kept my language clean… AND I behaved like a fish-wife. Deeeelicious!

Notice my judgements… and my pleasure! The sheer freedom of expressing without care for what anybody else thought of me.

And I hold my hands up to the judgements. Recently I’ve had a couple of messages that I’m being too much again. One was about my writing… that I drew someone in and then pushed them away through being ‘ballsy’. And I took notice of them and ‘tried’ to be different.

Have you ever done that? Respected some-one and taken their opinion over your own knowing? Well, here I was again taking on some-one else’s experience of me being ‘too much’ and dumbing myself down to meet their standards, their expectations about what’s right or wrong.

Enough!

My spin on things is that the confrontations I’ve recently experienced have showed me that I’m more solid than ever. That I can stand up even publicly and make a spectacle of myself when one of my core values is being rubbished and I choose t o do something about it.

As my writing buddy Phyllis so aptly termed it… maybe I’m learning to be a ‘bitch with grit’!

So… if you’re biting your tongue or if you’re being told you’re too much… let rip! Yeah, you might be doing an Emperor’s New Clothes job and that’s no bad thing. Yeah, you might be too much for that person AND there are literally millions of people on this planet for whom you are just absolutely right… including your Self!

Living In Your Body

April 27, 2008

Want to tell you about a one day course I attended on 25th April at Roffey Park http://www.roffeypark.com/index.php on Embodied Leadership http://www.strozziinstitute.com/. However, I’m so full of it… it was such a rich experience for me… that I’m pretty wordless and continuing to process what I learned and the exponential difference it made to my sense of self, my confidence, my passion and power.

Yeah that big!

A constant theme in my coaching and training is to use more of our intelligence than cognitive alone… and we’ve got loads of it. Sensory, emotional, spiritual, intuitive, telepathic, physical intelligences and maybe many more.

Yet until this course I’d not appreciated the profoundness of using our physical intelligence (muscular, organic and cellular). I’ve never before fully appreciated how our history defines our body ‘shape’ nor how using our physicality provides such deep information on our behaviour patterns, how I react to situations (like a ‘grab’ when somebody criticises, attacks or I’m under stress because of some situation) AND is a means of actively and swiftly resolving issues and changing behaviour.

Now, I know I’m not writing specifics because there’s just so much this blog would be a novel! And here’s an example.

Last night at a very special birthday bash for me in a Turkish restaurant I danced with the belly dancer easily and elegantly, enjoying the pleasure of us making a dance between us, both our presences, the music and movement.

Err… yes?

The difference was and is in my confidence and centred-ness within myself. In my 20s/30s I might well do that as an act of bravado, mock confidence… look at me, I don’t give a sh..! Later, I realised what I was doing with that behaviour and stopped. I was just over-compensating for and hiding my lack of confidence and ease with myself through the bravado… and chose not to act out like that any more. Even later the deeper issue emerged which was about me hiding my magnificence, my ‘shining’ which had arisen from early experiences of shaming and abuse.

The day before the training I would have been the same. The evening after the training I was able to do something I loved, in my own way, sharing with the dancer our energies and movement and totally at ease in my own body and with my self. Being as magnificently ‘shining’ as I’m able so far.

All achieved in one day. Yes… I know! I have been working on the issue for a long time and in different ways. However, that doesn’t detract from the fact that it was resolved gently and deeply through using physical metaphors and my own physicality.

Now… me being at ease, totally authentic (like joined up writing with myself!) and able to dance publicly with a belly dancer might seem a small thing to you.

But transfer its essence into the Board Room or your work as an employee or business owner of any kind. Transfer it into your relationships with other people. Transfer it into building your team in an organisation. Transfer it into what you need to achieve in your work-life or your family-life and how you normally go about doing it.

Food for thought, eh?

Getting Clearer…

March 30, 2008

 

It’s not for no reason that women have a cycle roughly in line with that of the moon’s cycle and so tidal cycles too. In some cultures the time of their menstruation was respected and revered.

Native North American tribes-women would have particular tepees in which to sit and reflect as they bled… their wisdom could then be sought for the good of the tribe. Some sources suggest that the Oracles of Delphi where the future was told were priestesses at the time of their menstruation.

And it’s a well known phenomenon that when women live together or, sometimes, are in very close relationship with each other, their menstrual cycles synchronise. Howzat for the power of the hormones!

I write this because many women, including myself (even tho’ on HRT these days so only having mock menstruation), find that as they enter the second half of their cycle they become … not sure the words exist to define the experience! The best I can find is that they become a little ‘foggy’… that which seemed so absolutely right or just so or the thing to be done yadiyadiya seems off focus, like a blurred photograph.

And it’s only just today that I realised what a ‘good’ thing that can be!

Instead of… “Oh I know what’s happening. This usually happens in the second half of my menstrual cycle. I’ll just have to wait until it clears!”, I can now go…

“Great, I can let my unconscious work on that project and check it out” or “Great, I know now deep down I didn’t really want to do XYZ… thank you fogginess for bringing me back in line with what’s right for me!”… or “Great… now I get why I’m so interested in growing tomatoes. Thanks fogginess for showing me my way forward”…and so on, and so on.

If we respect that fogginess, let it creatively ‘be’ and sit patiently until information emerges through our thoughts, feelings and senses… we can co-operate with our own organic processes of wisdom. We can get far clearer about our purpose, passion and power than through cognitive thinking alone.

Hey, Sharon, you got that one yet!? And have you?

 

Laugh

March 8, 2008

 

There’s an ancient Zen saying that there’s nothing left to you at this moment but to have a good laugh.

And as I go to write more, I don’t want to. As if somehow my talking about it will lose its essence. Maybe it will. Maybe it won’t. Just 2 thoughts!

Peace comes with being able to laugh at yourself, to roar at your own sheer ludicrousness with gentle and loving compassion.

And remember…

… whatever’s happening and whatever happens, there’s always, but always, the Cosmic Giggle!

Love to you…

Don’t Caste Your Pearls Before Swine

January 27, 2008

 

The Christmas break was an introspective time for me. I was due to meet up with someone I love from abroad whom I’d not seen for a good while. Just before doing so, they arranged a business meeting instead and cancelled out on seeing me.

Whoa! Went into ‘abandonment’ big time! Painful and a great gift.

Then, I spent a magical few days over the new year’s break in the nurturing, replenishing home of another person I love. They and their home invited me just by their presence into a time of reflection and re-connection with me and my WomanWisdom™…and integrating the learning from my 2 weeks ‘abandonment’ journey.

Helped me to understand too what my own picture of ‘love’ is and my expectations that other people will behave in the same ‘loving’ ways as I do. Some will behave similarly… and some won’t!

And then I remembered being given a great framework for choosing with whom I spend my time. Here it is…

In relationships, some people are just takers, some people are just givers and some people are both givers and takers. Check out what kind of person you are… and then choose the kind of people with whom you want to share your time and energies.

No judgements. No ‘should’s, ‘have to’s or ‘must’s. Just be honest with yourself. Which of those three kinds of people are you and with whom do you want to dance?

Great learning for me… as I hope it is for you.

We women so often go the extra mile, make excuses for others or put up with far less than we’re worth. Your pearls, like mine, are very, very precious. So do choose where and with whom to cast them very, very wisely!

Love to you…

 

An Unexpected Gift!

December 25, 2007

 

Yeah, I know! It’s Christmas day and what am I doing writing my blog when I promised myself festivity time off from EdenDynamics, Women of Courage, training, coaching, researching, writing? Only something very very extra-ordinary could deter me… and it did!

I received it in an ezine today from Robert Middleton, Action Plan Marketing. Although he’s talking about businesses I believe the short video’s message is one for us all, a superb example of WomanWisdom(tm) at work. Here’s what he said…

‘Successful businesses, large or small, are built on a foundation of great service. But what is great service, really? After you watch this little online video you’ll understand what service is in a whole new way. It’s only 3 minutes long and once you see it, I promise you, you’ll never forget it.’ Go now to…

http://www.stservicemovie.com

Having seen the video you’ll know, like me, that you will indeed never ever forget it… for sure!

Wishing you a wonderful winter festival, whichever one you celebrate, and a magical enriching new year.

p.s. You can sign up for Robert’s weekly ezine at www.actionplan.com

 

 

Rock the Boat!

December 7, 2007

 

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the trouble-makers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently…” Steve Jobs

Wow! Are you sure? Yes, I absolutely am! I’m sick and tired of seeing women, and men too, who are psychologically/emotionally/mentally distressed because they did/became what other people wanted them to be.

If I hear the phrase ‘don’t rock the boat’ or ‘I didn’t want to cause xyz hurt’ (by being themself!) or ‘it felt disloyal to not do what xyz wanted’ or ‘after all they’d done for me‘ one more time I’m gonna puke! Well, metaphysically if not physically.

Have compassion, Sharon… have compassion! Big breath…in fact 3 big breaths and I centre and remind myself that I too spent years and years not rocking the particular boat I’d been trained to sail in. And here my passion rises again…..

when I think of all the children out there who’re being labelled as mad or bad, statemented or worse as I write because they’re misfits. And, yes, of course I know that some will have conditions that cause them problems. And I bet a helluva lot of them are just ‘scurvy elephants’ (see my earlier blog)… questioning, different, need the kinda teaching that can adapt and be flexible according to the needs of each child.

I remember an ex-head telling me she was resigning because she just couldn’t turn children into identical tins of beans anymore. That’s what we do to our kids… that’s what was done to us.

So as the festive season approaches and the new year dawns, DO ROCK THE BOAT…

What’s one thing you were/are always afraid to do/be ‘in case xyz wouldn’t like it’ or ‘they’ll think I’m mad’? Be mad for once in your life, step out of the strait-jacketed coffin you’re in and do it/be it. Take the risk and be prepared to be surprised and delighted by your experience.

And for those of you who already rock the boat… do it even more! How delicious…..

Wishing you a peaceful, joyful festive season and an exciting, fulfilling new year xxx