Posts Tagged ‘Add new tag’

Nothing Succeeds Like The Appearance of Success

November 16, 2008

(Christopher Lasch)

A while ago I was training a great bunch of managers on Module 1 of my ‘Effective Communication & Influencing’ course. They were engaged, lively and challenging. Just the kind of delegates I put out for and get!

That’s something to do with the way I like to be trained myself and, of course, my marketing material. I consciously create it to attract that kind of delegate and deter those who think training is ‘time off’.

Anyhow, we were exploring my 6 Essential Principles for Effective Communication and had reached keeping your spine straight. As a teaching point, I asked them what communications they might get from a trainer who… and then I moved from my normally alert, well grounded, balanced and straight spine position to slouch and loll in my chair.

“Oh…,” cried out one manager, “you mean the kind of trainer we normally get!”

Well, we all fell about laughing for a bit. I know that kind of trainer too.

Then we unpacked the communications, intended or not, this group of managers receive from slouching-lolling trainers or colleague managers or team members or staff members or line managers or, heaven forbid, CEOs.

Not unsurprisingly their received communications were not inspiring and motivating nor did they engender impressions of trustfulness, integrity, presence, leadership or knowing one’s onions! Quite the reverse.

It could be argued we take too much notice of how a person appears rather than who and what they really are. There’s definitely a case for that and…


What we put out there is the reality we create.

So… how do you turn up in your professional or business life? If less than a ‘successful’ appearance, what on earth’s that about and what do you need to do to turn it around, assuming you want to?! And, if you already turn up excellently, what could you do even better to maximise your success factors?

© Sharon Eden 2008 All Rights Reserved



Being ‘Too Much’ Again!

May 21, 2008

This is going to come out like scrambled egg mainly because that’s how I’ve felt… I’ve been ‘scrambled’. And it’s all about going through a transition and finding my voice, a new way of expressing myself in the world

I thought it was about being ‘ballsy with softness’. But, hey, the major events of my recent life have been confrontation big time. Confrontation can, of course, be a very healthy thing enabling discussion and resolution of issues between different parties. These confrontations were not that kind!

One I didn’t ask for and came to me because of misunderstandings between myself and someone who was working for me at the time. The other one I chose. Yeah, I could hardly believe what I’d done afterward…I chose to pick a fight (totally new behaviour for me) and loved every minute of it.

It was about an injustice that I saw and confronted. And the way that I did that could not be described in any other way than inflammatory. It involved me being shouted at and shouting at the top of my voice in the street… hey, not very British! Afterward I was pleased that I kept my language clean… AND I behaved like a fish-wife. Deeeelicious!

Notice my judgements… and my pleasure! The sheer freedom of expressing without care for what anybody else thought of me.

And I hold my hands up to the judgements. Recently I’ve had a couple of messages that I’m being too much again. One was about my writing… that I drew someone in and then pushed them away through being ‘ballsy’. And I took notice of them and ‘tried’ to be different.

Have you ever done that? Respected some-one and taken their opinion over your own knowing? Well, here I was again taking on some-one else’s experience of me being ‘too much’ and dumbing myself down to meet their standards, their expectations about what’s right or wrong.


My spin on things is that the confrontations I’ve recently experienced have showed me that I’m more solid than ever. That I can stand up even publicly and make a spectacle of myself when one of my core values is being rubbished and I choose t o do something about it.

As my writing buddy Phyllis so aptly termed it… maybe I’m learning to be a ‘bitch with grit’!

So… if you’re biting your tongue or if you’re being told you’re too much… let rip! Yeah, you might be doing an Emperor’s New Clothes job and that’s no bad thing. Yeah, you might be too much for that person AND there are literally millions of people on this planet for whom you are just absolutely right… including your Self!